Come be 'baptised' with us sinnners at Lambeth

The first Lambeth Conference I attended, in 1988, was fantastic fun. Robert Runcie presided like a benign saint over proceedings that were
stimulating, enjoyable and productive for everyone. We in the media looked forward eagerly to the next one. But as far as the press operation was concerned, the last Lambeth Conference was a total disaster. At the start, everyone, bishops included, was handed badges. We got bright pink ones, the bishops purple, and everyone else yellow or some other anodyne colour. The bishops were assembled by the 'excommunications officers', as I was soon calling them, and told: 'Purple is safe, yellow is secure, pink means danger.' Things went abysmal from there.

(This is my latest CEN column.)

Although I am assured that access this time will be improved, the early signs are not good. The Archbishop of Canterbury's director of communications returns to parish work next week and is not being replaced. A journalist on a different organisation has been advised not to bother turning up at all for the first ten days. I've been trying to get a background briefing myself, but my attempts to speak to someone have proved fruitless.

Early indications are that the Archbishop of Canterbury appears to want to turn it into one gigantic prayer meeting in any case.

So what to do? It seemed to me we had two options. We could ignore it completely, accept that Anglicanism is of no relevance or interest any  more and give up on the whole mess.

This option has its attractions. My six-year-old son has just been rather ill with a vomiting bug. After two days of cancelled lunches and meetings and sitting at home trying to get tiny drops of water past his dehydrated lips, I was left with the dilemma of a house stinking of sick and poo and a job to go to. Every room was affected.  No way could I begin to clean it all up myself. I have little sense of smell. Wouldn't it be easier just to leave it? Or maybe even move house? No. I spent  fortune and had the place deep-cleaned, just in time for the beautiful summer weather we've been enjoying this week.

Not bothering with Lambeth would be the equivalent of leaving our house in that state. Jumping ship to another church, or out of religion altogether, would be the equivalent of moving house.

So at The Times we're going to go for the second option and do it properly. We've booked a large house just five minutes from the university for the duration. It has a swimming pool, a lovely garden and a games room. We'll be running a multi-media operation from there, with live video blogging, interviews and, I hope, news stories.

Joanna Clegg, in her second year as theology student at Oxford, is coming on work experience, and she'll be running morning Bible studies for us because, of course, we'll not be invited to the official ones. My friends are already calling it the 'Lamruth conference'. We might even 'clean up', although with the appointment of the curate at St Bride's in Fleet Street as its new religion editor, there are signs that the Telegraph might be getting its act together.

And rightly so, too. Whatever the official agenda, Lambeth is going to be newsworthy. One by one, the conservatives  - Bishops Venables, Duncan and Iker to name a few - seem to be deciding to come. Thank God for them and also for Bishop Gene Robinson, who is courageously turning up, even though not invited. These are the people out there on the edges  with us, the bishops not afraid to defy the 'pink badge' injunctions that will probably be laid down again, the bishops not ashamed to sup with sinners such as the press, the modern equivalents of Zacchaeus.

Anyway, the purpose of this column is not to bewail my manifold sins and their inevitable consequences. It is to tell all of you that you're welcome to come and have a cup of tea or even something a little stronger by our pool at Lambeth in July. Come to our Bible study and join us for a croissant and some strawberry jam afterwards. Just come for a breath of fellowship and fresh air. Bring your cozzies. And, if you can, bring a bishop or two. If you've not been before, come and be 'baptised' with us sinners in the exclusion zone. Lambeth this time is going to be 'full immersion'.

(Not essential, but it would help if you could let me know in advance if you'll be coming along, rg)

Comments

[NewbieAnglican]

You have my sympathy in trying to come with stories:

"Lambeth Accomplishes Nothing"

"Rowan Dithers"

"Bishops Actually Study Bible!!"

[Stephen Parkinson]

A pool! Good grief!! How the other half live!!!

Well, Forward in Faith will be back there, too - and in the same place as 1998. I remember you coming to lunch ten years ago, bursting into tears, and then writing it up in the paper! No pool, but we do have a chapel, so when you're done swimming and pigging out on the croissants & strawberry jam, pop over and we'll feed you properly - in every sense. I'm not inviting all your blog readers, though! There isn't room! But all the nice ones can come (they'll know who they are).

(If I ask Rupert nicely, do you think he'd lay on a pool for us too?)

[Michael Stevens]

If I were in England I would love to drop by... but alas, I shan't be.

But I will follow your reporting with interest!

[Malcolm+]

I never know quite what to make of Rowan Williams. If he doesn't think he needs a new Communications Director right now, then he's completely off his nut.

Of course, if he were to hire one like it seems they had in 1998 who seemed determined to thwart the nasty reporters, then none at all might be an improvement.

[Stephen Marsden]

' . . . a croissant and some strawberry jam . . .'?

Some mistake, surely?

Traditional fodder at Lambeth is, if I recall, half a croissant and an orange!